two weeks

Two weeks without a drink. May not seem like much, but it's a huge milestone for me. Like I keep saying, this is the longest I've gone w/o drinking (and I usually drank to get drunk) in 12 years. I should be happier for myself, prouder. I am, I mean, wow - I have been looking forward to having the strength to come even this far for the last 8 years of knowing my drinking was getting worse and worse. Instead, everything is making me cry this morning. I guess that comes with the territory of feeling feelings. Reading about parents accepting their lgbtq kids, a cute picture of the baby I watch, seeing something that triggered regret and nostalgia in my closet as I was picking out a shirt to wear, the fact that I haven't been able to shower for three days in a row because our building's hot water is off. I kind of miss being numb. But, good job, Jonah. Gold star. How does one celebrate a milestone without drinking? I wouldn't mind an ice cream cake, I guess. There's a Baskin Robins/Dunkin Donuts right down the street from me. I guess a pity party isn't the right way to celebrate such an event. (edit: I realized that I need to do my shot today, so I hope part of my slump is hormornal.)

Aside from crying jags this morning, I'm liking my new sober routine ok. Get up, start the coffee, eat something, take meds, drink the coffee and read the news, then work, then chilling out at home, or going to outpatient. It's uneventful, and I'd like to be more social because it's lonely, but it isn't the worst.

I need something to do this weekend though. Some sort of stimulation. I'm going a little crazy. Maybe I'll get a model car or airplane at Hobby Lobby, if I can't find something to do... An ex that I Shouldn't Talk To offered to drive me there the other day. Or I'll go see Hunger Games by myself, or Cabin in the Woods with a friend, if he isn't busy.

Two weeks sober.