22/uh oh

Red flag at the SMART Recovery meeting today.

So, I get there a few minutes late, and I see this woman that I hadn't seen before sitting at the table. I immediately thought "Wow. Something about her really reminds me of an older version of The Ex I Shouldn't Talk To for some reason" before she even opened her mouth. Then she opened her mouth. Things that came out of it: "I only had two glasses of wine" (she's still using), "I didn't go manhunting this week" (she's hypersexual), and "Twenty-five year old guys are hot." (she likes younger men). Thanks, Universe. Scary. She's just the sort of hot mess that I would have gone for, before. Well, at least a few years ago. Enabling and whatnot. And older. And probably with some money to spend.

Anyway. Aside from that, the meeting was great. We talked more about goals, and things that we do in our lives that clue us in to the fact that we are on the right track. My healthy behaviors are keeping my space clean, eating right (sometimes if I'm eating at all, that's good enough), staying active, and not isolating. God, I love to isolate myself. I think it might have a lot to do with the fact that I grew up in a very isolated environment. Our family was "different" so we didn't have a lot of family friends to interact with, and we were often hundreds or thousands of miles away from relatives. And because of all the moving, it was hard for me to make friends. And I was a natural loner/introvert.

Babysitting tonight, fun! I finished both of my pieces last night, but I don't know about the masturbation one... I realized last night that I have no idea what I'm talking about aside from what I do. The eating disorder piece came out really good, I got compliments on it from the friend I sent it to for editing purposes.

Homework this week from the meeting: try to smile more (smiling isn't a problem for me) and eat healthier. That last one is a big deal. I have been eating like crap lately. Junk food. Saturated fats. And I have been drinking way too much Ensure instead of eating food like a regular person. Speaking of, I'm hungry. I better eat something before the feeling goes away.

I'm thinking about posting the eating disorder piece on here... it has to do with recovery of a sort. Maybe I'll just link to it when it goes up on the blog.