Day 15

Not a bad day. I won $50 on a scratch off ticket I bought impulsively at the grocery store! I have good luck when I go with my gut. Earlier I was a little melancholy for a bit, when I realized that today would have been a 5 month anniversary, but trying to remember that things happen for a reason. I keep telling myself to move on. It's pointless to pine, and it just causes me unneeded stress and anxiety. At least I'm getting better at redirecting my thoughts! I guess it's good practice?

After I was able to shake that feeling, I felt better. I went and returned the movie I rented last night and got two more. The Craigslist Killer sucks, by the way. Now I'm watching Anonymous, which is about the theory that the Earl of Oxford actually wrote all of Shakespeare's plays. Good so far. I love historical stories about English royalty.

Kind of wanted to use again tonight, even though I didn't really want to ingest alcohol (it sounds pretty gross, actually), I just want to experiment. But that would be a bad experiment. I don't need to try drinking "just to see what happens." That's just about the dumbest excuse I've ever thought of to drink. Especially now, at this point.

Going to bed early tonight so I can get up early and run, before dawn, with hope that I can catch a few of the shooting stars of the Lyrid meteor shower. I'll probably go bed after that, and then get up and go to church with with one of my friends. Just to see what it's like. It's been a long time. And it's a church that I've been a member of, so I think there might be some comfort, even if I don't agree with the ideology.

I am using Ok Cupid to make new friends with people that aren't drinking buddies and don't want to sleep with me. I am hanging out with this couple that just moved here, soon. We haven't set up a date yet, but that will be cool! Maybe it's silly, but I'm proud of myself for trying to make new friends

Overall, I say my 15th sober day was a success. I'm glad I went to the SMART meeting, I'm glad I'm getting better at redirecting distressing thoughts instead of turning to a substance to distract me, and I'm excited about my run in the morning - I have something to look forward to tomorrow.

What can day 16 have in store for me? I hope only good things. This is actually getting easier day by day, despite any desires to use. I'm feeling good, clear-headed, happy overall, and confident in myself and my abilities.  I can totally do this. I'm believing it more every day, I don't think I'm faking it anymore, I think I'm making it.