Feeling pretty negative tonight. Sad. I went to a vigil for a transwoman that was murdered here in Chicago and that made me think about the acquaintance that killed herself last month and how both of those lives could have been spared if we were serving our community better, if we were taking care of our own. And it made me miss the people I love. Life is so fragile. People are gone, in a snap of your fingers, just like that, they can disappear. And they're gone forever. I'll never see my joyful acquaintance out and about at queer events, being her magical self. Paige Clay will never grace her friends with her beautiful smile again.
We've got to take care of what we've got and who we love, because they could not be there the next day. Cherish your relationships, all of them. Don't fuck up love, and don't make it fucked up.. Don't push people away, even if you think it'll be easier than going through a rough patch with them. Compromise. Make things work. If something seems broken, try to fix it before giving up. Don't give up. Forgive even if you don't forget. I'm no Christian, but I understand forgiveness and how holding onto things holds us back. Even shit with my family... I forgave my mom a while ago. I'll never forget, but she's mentally ill, and even if she knew how she was hurting us, the fact that she didn't care is enough to illustrate how fucked up she is. By some weird logic, she is absolved in a way.
I'll probably make this private in the morning, when I'm less moody and feeling dumb.
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