summer in the city

(I wrote this yesterday.)

Summer in Chicago is the best. I rode my bike downtown Monday evening to see Jonathan Richman at Millenniumm Park, and to meet one of my healthier Omaha friends and her boyfriend. I sort of fixed my brakes and I lubed up my chain so my bicycle ride was more pleasant than usual. I had a good time with them, they bought me a sandwich and we gossiped about our friends in common. I am super tired today because I drank a soda with caffeine in it last night at the concert, so I couldn't fall asleep even though I was pretty tired. No matter what I drink, I have problems!

Last Friday, I got a text from my boss that was supposed to be for her partner, saying that I smelled like beer. I don't know how I smelled like beer... I was wearing a jacket I recently got back from a friend. Maybe there was beer spilled on it? Who knows. She was really apologetic and stuff, and I totally understand her concern, but it kinda makes abstaining feel stupid, when I abstain. I have been drinking here and there, but not much, not frequently and I haven't been drinking alone. I think I am just going to go back to not drinking at all though, because yeah, I wish I could drink normally, but I can't, so even if I just have a beer, I'm obsessing about the way it makes me feel and stressing out about whether or not another one will send me over the edge. I've found this out: one or two drinks and I can stop. If I have a third, I can still stop but I'm itching to keep going. A fourth drink and I am fucked and will have two more. That's just too much to worry about. Just not drinking reduces my stress. And going out without drinking is fine, I get home at a decent hour because everybody starts to get drunk and sound stupid while they feel like they are getting smarter and smarter with each beverage, and I get annoyed and they smell bad, so I leave.

This weekend was hectic. I dogsat for a friend who lives way up off of Howard (the very north boundary of the City of Chicago) and I had odd jobs and two pieces due for the blog I'm writing for. I was running around a lot. Yesterday I ran around a lot too, running errands and then biking to and from downtown (15.2 miles round trip!) and today I expect to be pretty busy, as well. After work I'm meeting my ex somewhere in between our respective jobs to hang out and talk, and probably walk to the lake. After that I may or may not go to my roommate's presentation at DePaul for the Women's and Gender Studies program. The ex asked me if I was going, and I don't know if that was an invitation to go with her or just to see if I was going or not. I'll find out when I see her, if she doesn't cancel on me.

Tomorrow I am taking my first yoga class in about 22 years. I took it as a little kid, I think, either that or I just learned to balance my chakras. I am sort of excited and sort of full of dread.