update!

Well, ask the universe for something, and you get it, sometimes.

I am seeing someone and he, yes he, is pretty awesome. He's a cisgendered gay man. A bear, no less. And very tall! I feel like a relationship might be good for me. One of my triggers is loneliness.

I've been doing pretty well. My insurance runs out soon and I won't be able to afford therapy (but I hope to still be able to afford my antidepressants,) but I haven't been going regularly anyway. He doesn't challenge me enough. I have been drinking, but in moderation, and not often, aside from this weekend. I overdid it, it was Pride, and I don't regret it and I didn't do anything stupid and I didn't spend money, but I was hungover for the first time in a long time. I think that's enough to dissuade me from overdoing it again anytime soon. I really, really want to learn how to be able to drink socially. I thoroughly believe that while it'll be hard and a process, I can retrain myself. I think I have enough tools, at this point, and my coping skills are much better. And if I follow my rules, which I will because I really like rules, I think I'll be fine. No drinking to numb emotions. No drinking alone. No more than 3 drinks, except for on occasion. No drinking to escape anxiety.

I'm off the Campral, did I mention that? It started giving me intestinal problems and I was having cravings despite being on it, so I figured if I can save $60 a month, I might as well.

My mood has been good. I got over my most recent relationship. And then I just met this guy (actually, I've known him for a while and have had a crush on him for a while, too.) Work is going well, I am in the process of straightening out my school stuff so I can start again in the fall. My writing "career" is going well. I feel social and happy and I've been making new friends. Anxiety has been pretty ok, aside from waking up with heart palpitations the other day. That was the first time in a long time, though.